Christmas was always a big production in my family when I was younger. It was a day I couldn’t help but get excited for! We would go to mass in the morning and return to the house to prepare for the horde of people that would be coming over to celebrate with us. Aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, colleagues, and even church members would all come to our house to celebrate. My siblings and I would stay in our rooms for as long as we could, but eventually we would be forced out to either help with the kitchen and house prep or greet any new visitors that came by. It was very tasking, to be honest. The day after Christmas was always more relaxing. Fast forward to a decade later and I find myself romanticizing those days more and more.
A little background: I spent most of my childhood in Nigeria and moved to Canada about ten years ago. I attended university here and have been living here ever since. I visit my family from time to time, and they do the same. Most of my family is in the US and Nigeria.
I have friends here and we have created a sort of community. I’m not the only immigrant where I live, and I’m certainly not the only one from Nigeria. I’ve made lifelong friendships, and I don’t think I’ve ever truly been alone during Christmas. But just because I celebrate Christmas with friends and family doesn’t mean it’s the same as when I was younger. I don’t think it can ever truly be the same. I haven’t felt that warm and cozy Christmas feeling for years now.
I can’t remember the last time I bought a Christmas tree or even decorated my house or even looked forward to the day. Sometimes I forget what season it is until I get to the grocery stores and see all the decorations and hear all the music playing. From a work perspective, I think of Christmas time as the week I get the most days off with pay. There’s nothing magical about that.
Don’t get me wrong – I have not forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Christ is the most important thing to me this season. I still attend church every Christmas. But even church service feels a bit different these past few years. I wonder if I miss the unavoidable hugs and conversations I got from members back home. Escaping small talk is truly an art form to be recognized.
Sometimes I wonder what made those previous Christmas days so special. Was it the presence of most of my family and extended family? For some of these years, I’ve spent Christmas with my family, and although I’ve experienced great joy and gratitude during those times, I still haven’t had the same feeling of excitement and anticipation I used to have. Family is crucial, but is there more to it?
Could it possibly be related to the larger celebrations that churches in Nigeria have compared to here? Maybe I felt like the true meaning of Christmas was conveyed more strongly then than it is now. Or was it the busyness of it all? Perhaps the hard work we did for the day made it even more special in the end. It could even be the freedom of it all. I was younger then, with fewer responsibilities and demands from people and society. I never even had to think about what came after Christmas, or how much money I had to spend, or even how to split my paid time off between family and friends. Could childlike wonder really be the missing piece to this puzzle? I wouldn’t be surprised. Adulting is truly the bane of one’s existence.
Whatever it is, I’m prepared to get over it. Life only has a few pleasures, and we shouldn’t forget to enjoy them. I look forward to the Christmases ahead, with my family and friends alike. I will be more conscious and put more effort into observing and celebrating the holiday. I should even start some new Christmas traditions, and maybe once I start my own family, we will continue those traditions and celebrate even more. I might have lost my spark for the holiday, but that doesn’t stop me from igniting it in others. My future children, nieces, and nephews will and must enjoy this holiday. The birth of Christ is a blessing to us all, and it should feel and be celebrated as such!😄
What do you remember most about your young Christmases? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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